Who’s obscene will reign supreme?
In the past couple of months I have had the misfortune of watching not one, but two truly awful films. Not awful in a ‘they – have – no – idea – what – they’re – doing – damn – film – students’ kind of way, but in a ‘they – should – know – better – and – I – could – totally – feed – most – of – Africa – for – a – year – with – that – budget’ kind of way.
But which film was worse?
In the red corner, Bratz, a film about four teen girls’ high school adventures, described by one Rotten Tomatoes reviewer as existing “in a hermetically sealed vacuum of stupidity”. Nuff said.
In the blue corner, Pathfinder, the historically dubious tale of a Viking boy left behind during a trip to North America, who assimilates with the natives and then must fight the barbaric Vikings years later upon their return. Yeah…okay.
Let the games begin.
Round 1: Origins
Most people who are aware that there even was a Bratz movie would also be aware that movie came about as an opportunistic piece of cross-marketing aimed at the tween set for a series of skanky and grossly disproportionate dolls (cause I know my head is roughly 2 & 1/2 times larger than my waist…) who, and I quote, “got that bratitude”.
Urgh. Murderous acts against the English language aside, basing a movie on a doll may seem pretty superficial (and I am by no means saying that it isn’t), but the general idea isn’t exactly unique. Pirates of The Caribbean, for instance, was based on a theme park ride and I for one thought that was a pretty awesome movie (let’s ignore the sequels, shall we?).
Pathfinder, on the other hand, is a little more conventional in its origins. It’s a film based on, um, another film – a sort of Hollywood-isation of the 1987 Norwegian film Ofelas. Ofelas (the Sami word for ‘Pathfinder’) is based on an old Sami legend, set in Finnmark, Norway around 1000 AD, that tells the tale of a young Sami man who flees the murderous Chudes and is taken in by a neighbouring Sami tribe but then gets captured by the Chudes and must lead them to the other Samis willingly or face torture.
Verdict: 2007’s Pathfinder substitutes the nomadic Sami tribes and Northern Scandinavian setting of the original film for the Native Americans of North America with disastrous results. One expects a film based on dolls to be horrendous, but a god-awful film based on another really good one is just shameful.
Pathfinder – 1
Bratz – 0
